Baan Thai Cookery School!

Good morning all! Breakfast? Not likely. Today we attend a Thai cooking school with 5 dishes to try. I want to go hungry!

The Baan Thai Cookery school 'mini bus' picks us up from the lobby. We are the first to enter the back of the ute...with canvas top. It is pretty cool to travel like the local Chiang Mai residents in the back of a ute with a canvas cover, no seatbelts  just smiles to guide us from danger.

The first pick up is a French couple, (a heavy French accent is pretty easy to pick up.), they are already complaining about the price to the driver! What the fuck! Anyway, the couple pile in but don’t respond to the hello...that awkward moment when you are in the back of a ute in Chiang Mai with French tourists that don’t say hello back...lol. The good news arrived when a Swiss couple are picked up at the next hotel. Just married. We could tell immediately due to the affection levels when they enter the ute. They are both smiles and the conversation starts quickly.

The young girl doesn’t speak much English but her husband is pretty good. So we chat about where we are going and how long we are staying. It turns out that the Swiss couple have been in Koh Samui for 2 weeks and Chiang Mai for 2 weeks staying with relatives.  It is their honeymoon. They are as excited as we are to get cooking. The French couple begin to open up a little. They have no travel plans just cruising around Asia. Cool.

The next pick-up is two young girls from USA...I will reserve my comments as Mum said if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say it. Live and let live I guess. They were in Thailand for a good time and didn’t care who they offended along the way. All the best to them...Last another French duo, Mother and daughter. They were quite pleasant. Our original French couple breathe a loud sigh of relief they have the home turf advantage. (Sure I don’t speak French but I get the general understanding of what is being said in tight quarters. It isn’t that fucking hard to understand when someone is relieved there is another group that speaks their language!)

Enough of the ride there, how about the cooking school you say? Well...

Cute looking, the family lives upstairs, cooks downstairs

Baan Thai Cookery School is a place run by Miss Benz. Her older sister, Miss Maew started Baan Thai in 1999. Miss Maew dies of cancer in about 2001 but the family continues the business treating all customers as friends and providing them with high quality instruction.

The agenda for the day is to meet and greet, choose our dishes and set off for the local markets before starting the cooking.

The rain is light but they provide an umbrella for everyone. Miss Benz give me a pretty purple one, she asks if I want pink...tempting but it is very lady-boy looking. It is a quick walk to the local food market.

Open air, friendly bartering. Sticky hot though!

They were busy, full of locals and a few groups of cooking schools it turns out. Miss Benz pulls us around to the first stall. Making and selling noodles and tofu. They had all the noodles there. Glass noodles, rice noodles, egg noodles it was pretty cool. And you buy them fresh for a couple of baht. The tofu came in two kinds, fried and silky soft tofu. Right next to us was a stall with live fish in baskets and being barbequed over hot coals. It all smelt great but the food safety standards were non-existent.

The next stall had fresh vegetables and herbs. There are three types of chilli used in Thai cooking. The big long chilli is Spur Chilli, (Phrik Yuak), which you typically see in Woolies. It is used for flavour, either dried  and mashed in red Chiang Mai curry paste or sliced as a garnish for dishes. There is another type of long red chilli called Sky Pointing Chilli, (Phrik Chee Fah), somewhere between the size of a stick of gum and your index finger. This is slightly hotter and used mainly in the chilli pastes and curry pastes. The last are tiny chillies referred to as “rat shit” chilli, (Phrik Ki Noo), or mouse shit chilli. That about describes the size and shape of them, both red and green. These are the hottest of them all. I have had them in my Tom Yam soup as you may have read earlier on in this blog and they are really hot. Miss Benz offers us to try and giggles, when I take it from her and chew it she looks a little bit puzzled...it was fucking flaming hot but I smiled and said “it is nice, good flavour” I think I did a good job of hiding the pain in my mouth. I see a stall selling fresh pineapple out of an ice box. I hope this demo goes quickly!

We get a run down on the herbs, coriander is sold together with garlic chives as they are nearly always used together in Thai cooking. The galangal is a mad Thai ginger, and I find out it is used to flavour Tom Yam but you don’t eat it...haha I tried to eat it and wondered why it was so hard and gritty! Kaffir lime leaves smelt great and the lime itself had heaps of oil in it when we squeezed. Lemon grass, holy basil, Thai basil it was an assault on the senses but a very welcome one.

Coles and Woolworths are not this fucking fresh!

After the demonstration we get to stroll through the market. There are bags of prawn crackers, all different shapes, colours and flavours. Mad amounts of roasted nuts, peanuts deep fried in coconut oil and more fruit and veg than one could imagine. I scoot over to the pineapple stall and pick up a bag for 20bht. It is so fresh and sweet and is taking away the pain of the chilli.

The fresh fruit is better than any lollies or chocolate bar

Sweet, savory and everything else!

We get a basket to carry around each, Miss Benz fills them with herbs, spices, fruit and mushrooms. Back to the cooking school we go.

I chose to make the Stir Fried Prawn with Curry Powder, Fried Fish Cakes, Hot & Sour Prawn Soup, Penang Curry with Pork and Deep Fried Banana. Vicky goes for. Pad Thai, Spring Rolls, Chicken in Coconut milk, Chiang Mai Noodle and Mango with Sticky Rice. It’s a big menu of 5 dishes plus a curry paste. It is at this time when we are split up into groups to cook the dishes we have chosen together.

I am at the back of the house to make the stir fried  prawn with curry powder. Miss Benz has us around a table each with a station complete with log chopping board, huge Thai cooking knife and a mix of fresh herbs.  We set about chopping up according to Miss Benz’s instructions. The kaffir lime leaf is the hardest to chop finely I find, as my knife did roll well but the board being natural had troughs in it. Everything smells great already. Miss Benz takes us to our woks and sets one off. Within the space of 5 minutes she has instructed, cooked and dished up a plate of prawns...I can’t believe how easy that was. Now it is our turn. Medium heat, palm oil, garlic, onion toss toss toss curry powder water prawns toss toss toss fish sauce, sugar, kaffir lime and coriander...toss toss done!

Prawn with Curry Powder...simple and tasty!

Pad Thai, Vicky Style!

I get back to our first meeting table and sit down. I am the first to arrive. I take some pictures and contemplate waiting to be polite...haha for about half a second! You should have smelt it...and tasted it. I am about halfway done when Vicky returns with her Pad Thai, which looks and smells even better! Nomnomnomnomnom we all look happy with the effort and are surprised it was so easy.

Next up were the fish cakes. It is bullshit easy to make the fish cakes. I don’t know why I ever got it wrong! They are fried in a wok of bubbling palm oil. Once you have a fishy, limey, curry cake batter or paste you spoon it into the hot oil and press it down firmly with the back of the spatula for about 5 -10 seconds. This makes it from a ball to a flat pattie. These were the surprise package for me as the taste was amazing, not burnt or fishy. I beat everyone back to the table again and mung out after some photos. Vicky arrives with spring rolls, they are neat and taste awesome! Apparently the instructor accidentally broke the spring roll sheets so everyone got to make two big ones and a small one. A test for the fine motor skills!

Very neat spring rolls, nice work wifey!

Fish cakes will never be the same again in this house!

Off to Tom Yam land! Tom Yam is my favourite soup. It is hot and sour. Two kinds of hot, spicy and boiling hot. We are going to use prawns, therefore it is Tom Yam Goong or Kung as it is pronounced. Most of the soup is not edible, for example the kaffir lime leaf is torn into four pieces and the lemon grass is cut into three sections, then flattened with a knife. The galangal is sliced into large discs. These are all for flavour and aroma and are left in the bowl at the end, not eaten.

We arrive to boiling pots of water. Chuck in onion, garlic, rat shit chilli, lime leaf and lemon grass. Wait a bit while still boiling. Add the roasted chilli paste. Squeeze in some lime, add some sugar chuck in the prawns. When the prawns are cooked the soup in ready. Fucking amazing! It tastes better than the one I bought on the street! (I may have over done the chilli though, my mouth was burning!!). Vicky made the coconut chicken soup and thinks she mucked it up a bit, as it didn’t boil thoroughly. It still tasted great.

Tom Yam Goong. The most inportant ingredient is the roasted chilli paste

We all head off to make our desert dishes before the final meal. Deep fried banana is pretty straight forward. Slice up a banana or two into three lengthways. You can also use sweet potato. A batter is made up with various flours, coconut, sugar and a touch of salt. We dip our bananas in the big batter bowl and head out to the giant wok. It is full of palm oil and is bubbling away. The first step is to flavour the oil using pandan leaf. The leaf has a fresh nutty sweet smell and when dropped into the oil fizzes and pops. The smell is like fresh popcorn only sweeter. In go the bananas which in the size we are cooking, (hundreds of slices), should take about 20 – 30 minutes.

I was happy on the inside! I didn't know about the photo lol

Miss Benz takes us again to make a curry paste for the Penang curry. She wants someone strong to pound away on the giant mortar and pestle...why she chose me I don’t know. The technique was to squat on a wooden stool with the mortar between your knees. Left hand half covering the bowl and the pestle smashed down onto the contents. The idea was for the left hand to stop the bits of chilli, lemon grass, garlic etc flying out. I could manage it without getting it on my apron and face. Thankfully when the chilli was to be added a change of guard was made and a poor Pommie bloke had to smash away at the hot paste. We all tried the paste pre-cooking and surprisingly it was not spicy. I figured that is what the roasted chilli paste was for.  The Penang cooks up in minutes and I arrive back at the table to find I was the last! Vicky’s Chiang Mai noodles, (Khao Soi), looks amazingy authentic and she is gobbling it down fast.

Chiang Mai noodle or Khao Soi. This was Vicky's favourite

We sit around the table, smiling, slouched full. Then the deserts come out. Now, banana deep fried doesn’t look too appealing but the taste is insane. Vicky’s sticky rice is pretty awesome too, not like rice pudding which is slimey and gross, sticky rice is sticky soft and sweet coconut flavoured. Now we are really stuffed!

Deep fried banana = jizz

Fresh mango and sweet sticky rice is the perfect combo!

We received a cook book each with all of the menu items and herbs, spices and ingredients included. Looks like we might be eating Thai in the Thorncroft house a lot more in the future!

If you are in Chaing Mai, for 900bht per person for a full day including transfer from and to your hotel and a walk through the markets DO IT with Baan Thai Cookery School. Some of the other schools were offering less for more baht. This was fun and exciting  and entertaining and all of the instructors were fantastic, warm and friendly.

Go here: www.baanthaicookery.com 900bht might sound a bit steep but when you get some cooking schools offering three dishes, no markets and maybe transfers from your hotel for 1200 – 2000bht it is pretty awesome.

This was our last day and night in Chiang Mai and it was a great day to finish on as it rained the whole time but we were indoors apart from at the markets. The Mercure Chiang Mai is a reasonably priced hotel and great if you just want a nice comfy room to rest your head at night. Don’t expect five star rooms or sparkling clean fixtures, (parts of the bathroom were a bit dodgy, but it reminded me of home lol), the staff were all very friendly and willing to help if you offer the same smiling courtesy they show you. I don’t know how some of the European guests managed to get anything done because they were so rude to everyone. I guess it is just the warm and kind nature of the Thai people to laugh it off and do their job even if the guest is an arsehole!

Nice staff, good aircon...just don't expect the cleanest places in Chiang Mai!

Tomorrow we jet off to Patong Beach, Phuket. I expect this to be exciting and to put a dent in the wallet J.

I’m off! - Chris

Doi Suthep and many, many Wat!

I have received some constructive critique via email from my fellow travel-blogger Steve. I will attempt to keep up the fun to read factor but also include more description of the places we visit, (rather than lazily linking a web page J) Also I will try to limit the toilet references...lol.

Something I forgot to mention on the return trip from Chiang Rai was the man towing a huge boar in a white cage behind his motorbike. He came shooting up beside us at a set of traffic lights. Vicky saw the pig first and we all giggled at the size of its testes. Imagine two eggplants, you get the size. Vicky suggested the pig may be his pet. Peter laughed and said,

“Gootbai Pig, his going to eat you!”

Classic moment. We all burst out laughing, morbid but funny all the same. Everytime I see a chicken, pig, cow or cat behind a motorcycle I say “gootbai!” from now on.

Onto the next day!

Vicky gets us up early. The pick-up time is 9:30am. I am all for not missing arranged appointments but we are waiting outside on a back street at 8:45am. She is very cute when she wants to get going J At least it isn’t raining! It was nice to watch the world pass us by for a bit. There is a funny looking dog at the end of the street. The dog seems to be tempting fate by crossing halfway across the road, stopping in front of cars, sniffing the air then turning back to the curb just before the car arrives. I reckon it would be less likely to get run over then we would!

Peter waves from across the t-intersection, his car has been washed and it is ready to go after some gas. Our itinerary was as follows: 22km to Doi Buak Ha where the Bhubing Palace is. Back down 4km to Doi Suthep to see Wat Phra That. Back to Chiang Mai for some Khao Soi, (Chiang Mai noodle). To Wat Chedi Luang then to see the ruined city Wiang Kum Kam. Home again, home again J

The road up to the peak of Doi Buak, (I think I explained earlier the the word ‘doi’ means mountain in Thai...didn’t I?), is long and winding. The elevation is around 1.6km so we hit the clouds about half way up. I would describe it to be like travelling up Mount Tamborine only hotter, more humid and more jungle. The mad mo-ped riders fly up and down without helmets and huge smiles. We reach the summit. I don my long pants as cultural standards require that when entering the royal palace and gardens you must cover your shoulders and legs. If you don’t have long pants you have to buy some skirt like silks to cover you for 50bht. The grounds are huge and the roads are slippery, we opt for the tour guided golf cart around the palace and gardens.

Bhubing Palace - Yep it was raining!

The Queen of Thailand. She sorts out the flowers

The Bhubing Palace, or Winter Palace is located on Doi Buak Ha. The palace overlooks the whole of Chiang Mai, (Chiang = city, Mai = new). The palace was built in 1961 for King Rama V for its remote location and cool temperature. Due to the elevation of the mountain it is about 8 – 10 degrees cooler than Chiang Mai. This day gave us misty rain and unfortunately no view due to the heavy cloud cover. But instead of a sticky 32 degrees in town it was 20 degrees and fresh.

The palace was once only used by the Thai royal family. Later they built guest houses for prominent state visitors, (Vicky and I were offered to stay but respectfully declined J), when the King and Queen are not visiting tourists and locals can check it out. I must say the palace was not really that great or interesting. The gardens that surround it however were stunning.  The King has also built a palace for every season of the year. Nice to be rich I guess...

Our guide explains that the rose gardens that surround the palace contain 300 species of rose! And then there are orchids of all kinds. The roses were beautiful and smelled amazing. Not all were in bloom but those that had, I just wanted to rub the petals all over me. Happy snaps complete we exit the golf cart. It is still crazy slippery.

They had Double Delights! my favourite rose

This big red rose had a fragrance I had never smelt before

And the orchids were stunning

It is a quick trip down to Doi Suthep and the base of stairs to Wat Phra That. This temple is popular with locals and tourists, and is considered to be very special to the Thai due to the origins of the temple and the story that surrounds it.

Street parking at the base of the stairs. Lots of red taxis!

At the bas of the stairs, 300 to go!

Peter gives us a detailed account of how it came to be. I will attempt to recount here:

A monk named Sumanathera lived in Sukhothai, Thailand. He had a dream; in his dream god told him to go to Pang Cha and find a relic. A relic is a piece of the Buddha, as when he passed away according to Buddhist custom his remains were cremated. Small pieces of bone were sent all over the world to be held in ‘chedi’ (pointy shrines in Thailand). It is said that Sumanathera found part of Buddha’s shoulder bone. It could glow, it could vanish, it move and replicate itself. I guess it was also customary that if you found a glowing, self replicating, and vanishing bone you take it to your King. King Dharmmaraja ruled Sukothai at the time.

The king made offerings and hosted a ceremony eager for Sumanathera’s return.  When presented with the relic it didn’t do anything special. A bit like, I swear it did it last night your highness! As the relic just acted like a normal bone, Sumanathera was told to keep it.

News of the relic travelled to Lanna Kingdom, King Nu Naone offered to take the relic and with King Dharmmaraja’s permission it was handed over in 1368. To get to King Nu Naone, the monk travelled to Lamphun. The relic randomly split in two. The smaller piece of the relic was enshrined at a temple in Suandok. King Nu Naone placed the larger piece of relic on the back of a white elephant which was released in the jungle. The idea was that when the elephant finally rested this would be the sacred place to build a temple to enshrine the relic. The elephant took off and is said to have climbed up Doi Suthep, it was called Doi Aoy Chang (Doi = mountain, Aoy = sugar, Chang = elephant therefore Sugar Elephant Mountaint). The elephant trumpeted 3 times and died. This was interpreted as a sign and the king ordered the construction of a temple.

I bet all the builders were cursing that fucking elephant, dying on a mountain top with NO ROAD!

I wanted to include that history because it is very cool. This place is some 700 years old and everything within the temple grounds is huge! It takes no less than 300 steps to get up there. It was wet and slippery as the terracotta tile was smooth from many footsteps. The dragons that act as a balustrade on each side of the stairs are cement and tile, glazed in brilliant colours. It was a hard walk a) because we were so high up and b) it was slippery as fuck and I didn’t want either of us breaking  leg.  We reach the top and pay the 30bht entry, (only for tourists), which goes towards maintaining the site and feeding the volunteers.

Normally you are only required to remove your shoes when entering the worship area inside the temple, however my Aussie safety boots, (thongs), were not being very safe for me so I took them off and tucked them into my bag. The grounds within the walls are quite large, huge in fact. We wander around the outside of the main temple area for a while. Beside the main entrance stands a monument to the white elephant that ‘selected’ the place for the temple to be built. A few short steps later we enter the internal section of the temple. There are are about 100 or so statues of Buddha all around the place. In the centre is the giant gold ‘chedi’. Chedi is the term used in Thailand for stupa, which literally means heap. The chedi houses Buddhist relics, for example this chedi supposedly contains the relics of Buddha himself. They were simply a mound of clay or mud to cover relics of the Buddha. (So you all know the Buddha story right? No? Ok short is Buddha meditated for a quite a while under a tree and achieved enlightenment.  After the parinirvana of Buddha his remains were cremated and the ashes divided and buried under eight chedi or stupa, (plus an additional 2 for the urn and embers). That is the short version, missing lots of important info but you get the idea J. Look it up because the story of the Buddha and the journey to enlightenment is long and interesting.

The dogs sleep on the stairs. They don't bother anyone. This was a small temple beside the main pagoda

Don't ring the bells! They are ceremonial and for monks only!

The shrine to the White Elephant. See how it carried the Buddha relics on it's back...

Where was I? Oh yeah the giant gold chedi. It is massive. There are also small temple structures within the main area where you can pray and have a monk bless you. It smelt of rain and incense. It was also very busy. Many people were coming into the temples still standing up and taking photos. I was disgusted in this as normally you are forbidden to take photos from inside the temple/pagoda area. If you can take photos you should be kneeling, not standing around like a stupid French prick. (Yeah, the French tourists had NO respect in these places. I don’t apologise for being blunt about this. If you can’t respect a few simple customs in another country like paying a small entry fee as a foreign visitor for the privilege of being in a sacred place then STAY HOME!)

Big Gold Chedi!

There were many, many, many images and statues of the Buddha...

A Decent View from the peak, even with the rains. Cooee Chiang Mai!!

Vicky wanted to take the cable car back down the hillside instead of the stairs. No way was that happening. I wanted to make the pilgrimage like a Buddhist would! We walk very slowly down the stairs to meet up with Peter again. There is a jade museum nearby that Peter explains actually does have real jade and other gems unlike most of the sellers in Chiang Mai markets that have. There is Nephrite Jade and Jadeite jade. Jadeite is harder than nephrite. There are also many colours, like white, royal jade (dark green), blue jade and black jade which when you shine a torch through it will light up an amazing emerald green colour.

Oh I forgot to mention my massive fail before entering the jade museum! The stairs down again were terracotta, only really old and slippery due to the water and moss. I make it nearly all the way down the 2^nd last step and I slip. Luckily my monkey left toe bends enough out of my thong to catch the lip of the next step. It is so painful but I don’t let arse touch ground. I even popped out a plug from my thong! There are a few locals nearby that hoot in astonishment, and then when they see I am laughing also laugh aloud. That is what I also like about Thai culture; it’s all about ‘saving face’ no raised voices in anger and no moping about due to bad luck. Make a joke, laugh and move on with life.

We purchase two elephants. One with a trunk up which represents good luck and/or victory and one with the trunk down which means welcome and/or thank you, (kob khun kaa/krab). This was after a 5 minute presentation on jade and how it is made into jewellery. We even get the back of house tour to see a guy carving the jade with rotary tools. It was a great little experience I am glad we didn’t miss it.

So down the mountain we go. We stop half way for some happy snaps, the view is pretty decent considering the rain and cloud we had at the time.

Peter takes us all the way back through Chiang Mai. This is a city that is made up of two sections. Think of it this way – The inner city or old Chiang Mai is surrounded by a circle brick wall. The wall has 4 gates, (from memory...lol), and within the ruins of the wall is old Chiang Mai. The king at the time build the wall around Chiang Mai as a way to protect his people and sort out who enters the kingdom. Later on a prince and princess marry and this union of kingdoms brings down the walls. Nice. So we are weaving through some tight back streets in old Chiang Mai and Peter pulls up in front of this hole-in-the-wall shopfront, (if you could call it that). The store is as genuine as the Thai people. Warm and friendly. Nothing is in English, Peter explains that the ‘restaurant’ is a family business handed down through each generation. The only choice we really make is do we take chicken or beef. Oh yeah, “take”. That is funny.

The broken English of a lot of Thai locals uses the word “take” instead of “have” it’s funny. Like “Don’t you take breakfast?” or “Beer, no I don’t take many” I like it anyway...

So I “take” the beef and Vicky takes the chicken. Peter takes beef and chicken and away we go. This place specialises in Khao Soi, (Chiang Mai noodle for you noobs). It is either chicken or beef with a yellow currybase, fish sauce, palm sugar, and coconut milk plus noodles. As a side you get Kimchi, (pickled cabbage),  ground fried chillies in oil, lime and little purple shallots. Peter showed us how to put it all together.

“Furrss you take gimchee and put in, then you put the onions, then you take chilli. How spicy you take you add little or less. Okay. Then you skwizz the lime. If you take it sweet you put the sugar. Then you stir.”

This is Khao Soi, home made sold from the street. Sooo gooooooood!

We follow the directions and we take a mouth full. It is fucking great. Hot, sour, sweet and good! I may have overdone the chilli oil but it was still brilliant. To round it off I order a salad. It’s cold vegies covered in a sweet peanut dressing. It is just as awesome as the Khao Soi. No more French dressing for me! Peter motions to pay for the meals. We decided to cover the tab as he was such a great guide. Get this, the dish total was 4 Kaho Soi and one salad-thing. 150bht. That is $4.60AUD!!! For a full lunch for three!! Nomnomnomnom.

Satisfied we shoot off to see some temples. Peter said he would take us to the best one he knows of in Chiang Mai. There are literally hundreds of the freaking things within Chiang Mai so for him to show us the best or favourite was a bonus. Wat Chedi Luang.

Wat Chedi Luang - The Buddha statue is in the little hole at the top of the stairs

Imagine if the top 30m didn't break off!!

This place has a huge old chedi and a few pagodas. Here is the history for Wat Chedi Luang. 600 years old, the chedi was started by king Saen Muang Ma during the 14^th century. 10 years of building it still was not finished, the king died and his widow finished it. To the Thai people at the time this was a really bad thing and would bring bad luck. When it was finished the chedi stood 82m high and a base diameter of 54m. It was the largest building in all of Lanna at the time. (Lanna is basically what is now northern Thailand, it was the name of the kingdom that contained Chiang Rai and Chiang Mai...citation neededJ ).

In 1468 an emerald Buddha was installed. Here comes the bad luck part, an earthquake collapsed the upper 30m or so of structure in 1545 and then they moved the Buddha to Bangkok in 1551.

The chedi is huge. You can see where the original emerald Buddha sat, now replaced with a black jade Buddha to celebrate the 700^th anniversary of Lanna. Inside the temple it is about 40m high and there are giant teak poles from floor to roof. At the front stage there are huge gold Buddhas and statues of monks that had passed away. There is also a coffin to the left of the centre stage which held the remains of a 90 year old monk that has only just died. Peter said they keep the body there for 100 days before cremation.

The main temple at Wat Chedi Luang. Huge!

They are real teak support beams. Masive and thick.

Worship here. Damn tourist bombing my photo!!

Onto another of the many pagodas in the main grounds. Inside we find a glass case housing a wax monk. He is very real looking. The pagoda is kind of like a house to keep the relics of the monk after cremation and is also like his final shrine and resting place. There is a second shrine with another wax monk and relics. We don’t take any photos as Peter explains these structures are the homes of the monk after life. It was quiet and peaceful.  Off to the ruined city!

We can’t take a boat up the river to where the city is located. Instead Peter drives directly to where you can hire a guide to show you around. Peter says in his 20 years of being a guide he has only ever been asked twice to see the ruins. Peter personally loves them and the village built around them but as it is in the poorer area where there is a lot of flooding people don’t go there. Bonus because it was empty. 2^nd bonus we get a horse drawn carriage to see the place!

Wiang Kum Kam is an ancient walled city 30km south of Chiang Mai. It was built by king Mangrai in the late 13^th century.  It was a new capital established by the king after defeating  the kingdom of Hariphunchai. It all went well and happy right through to the 16^th century. The city was lost in two parts, when the Burmese conquered Chiang Mai in 1558 and because of flooding around this time when it was finally abandoned.  200 years later the people were moved back to form a new community. In 1984 the Department of Fine Arts Unit 4 discovered part of the ruins and have been excavating them  since.

Our carriage is comfy and the guide looks like a Thai gangster, tattoos and a pink shirt with a logo that states he is a Berretta owner. Yep, nice touch!

He was a nice guy, Pink shirt and loves guns!

The ruins are exactly that, ruins J But the history around them is intriguing. There is another large temple, Wat Chedi Liam. It is old and beautiful, still in pretty good nick for 6 – 700 years old. An interesting fact about the chedi is that it was renovated in 1908 by a Burmese trader. The renovations are not classic Thai style. What I mean to say is that for example all but one of the monks Buddha images on the chedi are wearing the yellow Burmese colourings rather than white Thai colours. Not many of these repairs were popular or needed according to Peter. I agree with Peter’s point of view. It is ok to maintain and make sure they don’t fall apart but they should not be changed.



The dogs are pretty laid back...we wanted to pat them..but did not

A smaller chedi, it was buried up to where the yellow ribbon is tied.

wat Chedi Liam. It was big, old and amazing!

And that was it. We take the long route home and part ways outside of the Mercure Chiang Mai. Peter let us have a photo and we took his card. If you need a guide Peter is your man! Don’t book through your travel agent email Peter direct and he will save you a few thousand baht and treat you right. Mr Pairat Vasuthapaisarn (Peter) pairatpeter_num@hotmail.com

Our Chariot! Air conditioned, tannned leather comfort!

Peter. Great guide. He will hook you up in Chiang Mai!

Shit what a big day, what a lot of words! I can’t leave out the fun part though, we hitched a tuk-tuk to the Night Bazaar, streets filled with stalls and vendors and a big internal food court. Peter warned us to ensure we bartered for goods as he considered the prices to be high. Anything they chucked at us we came back with half and met somewhere in between. It was fun. Then onto the food. The food court is large and confusing. None of the vendors accept cash. You go to a booth and buy coupons which you exchange for value with the vendors. Confusion over!

Nice meal, dirt cheap, no sick!!

I go for Tom Yam (as they seem to spell it here) pork and Vicky takes the Flat noodle with veggies. Both awesome and tasty for only 70bht in total! We had coupons left over so you take them back and get a refund. Full and spent up we tuk-tuk home with another crazy driver. When I ask him how much to get back he says “Tonight one millions baht. For you I discount, only 100 baht.” He has a big cheeky smile so we jump in. I don’t think his tuk-tuk had brakes because instead of slowing down or stopping he would just swerve around and in between spaces! Safely at the hotel we pay and tip and head up to bed.

Random! The things you see in Thailand leave you scratching your head.
No real road safety laws...

Tomorrow is our Thai cooking experience!

I’m Off - Chris

Chiang Rai treasures!

 (Typed to the tune of “Suits and ladders” by NOFX...for the first 2:25 minutes lol)

I wake before the alarm. 5:21am. Good, I have 49 minutes to cuddle into the missus and snooze.

Something doesn’t sound right.  About this time I should be hearing a mo-ped throttle to gauge-exploding rpm’s. Instead of hearing the Chiang Mai hustle ‘n’ bustle echoing through the room I hear the rhythmic pitter-patter of rain children stomping on the tiles below the window.

Nice. Rain sure beats counting sheep to help one sleep. I love the sound of typhonic rain smashing on terracotta. No bed clothes spoon for the win!

SHIT! Typhoon?!?! RAIN??!? We have a 10 hour tour up north today! Rain was not part of the pre-paid package.  I spend the next 49 minutes thinking about how I was going to keep the passports, camera gear and money dry today.

6 am ish we hit the lifts to buffet breakfast. I am so anxious about the weather I don’t think I can eat. Fuckin rain. Who asked you to come here and dump on us?

As Vicky and I lumber toward the 24 hour bar/buffet restaurant a local Thai man gestures wildly at us. 

“Are you Vicky Fawnsross?”

Oh man, is this our tour guide? Picture this. 5’2” Thai long-nailed male with a huuuuuge smile flashing spirit fingers in your face at 6:20am. Yeah, you would want to slap that too. Remembering where I was I flash a smile back and ‘wai’ like a foreign moron that doesn’t know how to ‘wai’ for shit and gush, “Saah-waaaaht-dee Jiaoo...ka..krub..gee...fah...so..laaaaa...ummm....Hello”

“I am Petaaw, Ayemm yoh guy-et. You go eat now. I will wet hee-ah.”

While I fail to ‘wai’ I catch a glimpse of his Thailand Tourism Authority ID card. He aint’ no Peter. That ‘P’ word on his ID tag is bullshit long. Peter it is then.  Off to buffet we go.

Being anxious I thought toast and fruit would go down a treat. The bread here is like eating a finger bun sans sultanas and currants, made square and sliced. Sweet, soft and awesome. I toast 4 pieces in the hotel conveyer belt toaster. Hotel toasters are so much more fun that home toasters. It’s like cooking a pizza except you put toast in it. Yeah, that made sense... Onto the fruit. Honey dew melon, check. Rock melon, check. Watermelon, check. Wife melons, focus Chris you are hungry. Hairy fruit...what the? Rambutan? I gamble that if they put it out on a hotel buffet spread it is edible.

I get back to the table with Vicky munching some oh so sweet toast and have a crack at the rambutan. If I could explain it I would. But I can’t. So think of it this way, the fruit with skin-on looks like a red inflamed minge, except smells much fresher. Crack the hairy skin and you have translucent white flesh. Bite in and you find cold refreshing lychee + something you haven’t tasted before...

Before you could say “rambutan is awesome” Peter has sat down with us, ordered a coffee and has a juice chaser ready. I should be worried but the man has taste. There is nothing in this whole world like strong black coffee followed by a fruit juice chaser. I let it ride.

Have you ever judged a book by its cover? I know I have. It’s human nature. I judged Peter as if he was a signed copy of the book of the TV series Sex and the City. That’s right, I would have burned him and chopped him up and then burned him again. But as he talked I warmed to him quickly. This man obviously knew his Thailand!

Enter the Jeep Cherokee, leather trim and wood grain air-conditioned joy. Peter ran through a quick itinerary and set off to Chiang Rai. I will say it now and I mean it. This guy was fucking good. Peter has been a tour guide for 20 years and has never left Thailand. If he couldn’t arrange it or get it done cheaper it wasn’t worth knowing about.

To get to Chiang Rai we would need to go via a bunch of “Doi’s” (mountains). I don’t know how I entrusted our lives in the hands of a local. What double line? What blind corner? Who needs both hands to overtake and talk on the phone on a blind corner? At least the mountain jungle is pretty. The rain is pretty heavy. Torrential even. We hit a large section of road underwater.

“Oh mai gaaaawt! Look at the watta! So mush watta! Is a watta frwud!”

If Peter thinks it’s deep it must be deep. We pass without incident. As the incline begins to flatten out we slow and pull into a hot spring. Peter excitedly informs us that these are the highest springs in Thailand and that we can get real gemstones and silver at the markets at “special plice”. Great pitch Peter. I exit the Jeep and get a lung full of sulphur. The spring is gushing at least 4 storeys into the air then ceases flow like clamping the base of...never mind.

Thar she blows!

I head for the toilet. 5 baht entry, I giggle and flash a 500 baht note at the lady with the coins. This was the first person in Thailand not to smile at me. Obviously I had over stepped the line. I give her 10 baht for the inconvenience and head in to pee.

Thankfully it was a pee as there was no toilet paper, only a strange looking hose with gun attachment. I have seen the same garden hose in our hotel bathroom. I drain the lizard but before exiting the cubicle I pick up the hose...point it at the toilet bowl...squeeze....SPWOOOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH! Holy shit! So the idea is that you don’t waste paper or have to touch your arse in anyway but the compromise is a jet of water so pressurised you either feel like you had an enema or got raped by Aquaman. I think these cheeks will stay clenched for the next few hours...

I catch up with Vicky, she is buying silverware from one of the shop owners. Cheap silver box purchased we check out the natural foot spa, the hot tub hot spa and the famous geyser. I have attached below video so you get an idea of what we saw.

The best part was the lady selling eggs to dip in the hot spring water. I didn’t buy one because I didn’t want egg and it seemed very wrong to waste something so edible. Vicky and I down our sugar-sugar-sweet coffees and climb back into the Jeep.

It smells like egg. Boil it. Still smells like egg. Must be the eggs...

About an hour and a half later we ride up to a police check-point. It is basically set up to stop people coming in illegally and trafficking drugs into Chiang Mai and to stop people trafficking drugs out to the Golden Triangle. We pass without incident, as Peter explains when the police see tourists and his Tourism ID card they don’t hassle us. Good thing too because the 6kg of coke stuffed in the black rubber dildo in my arse would have certainly earned me the death penalty. (Joke! There was no cocaine in the dildo, it was solid silicone...haha).

After the check point a giant white “wat” (temple) appears. This is the White Temple, Wat Rong Khun.  This crazy Thai artist used his own money to build it. It is white with mirror mosaic tiles all over it. There are hands coming up from hell below the foot bridge and guardian dragons and such to protect the entrance from evil. I have attached a few nice shots below so you get an idea of what it looks like.

Wat Rong Khun. Say it like it looks, only at the end say "koon"

Detailed. Intricate. Jaw-dropping.

Pits of hell. One hand was giving the finger...lol

They like it large and golden in Thailand

We come to the main entrance of the temple. Here you must remove your shoes before entry. Obviously no photos are allowed as this is a sacred place. A few locals are engrossed in prayer inside. We enter and assume the position. There is a giant gold Buddha, many icons and relics. The whole inside is painted to tell a story. The twist on the story is that a lot of the images and people are famous/political  persons. Even GW Bush gets a feature in the paintings!

There is a monk sitting at the base of the Bhuddha . Stone faced staring at us. I quickly glance at him. Yep, he is staring at me. OK. So can I look back?

I look up and smile at the monk. He does not budge. I break the stare and look at the walls. I whisper to Vicky, “There is a monk there...see him?” Vicky nods. We exit and continue taking photos. We come to a giant gold house. A Huge building. It is all gold with intricate carvings and murals. It is the toilets...THE TOILETS!!!

Golden toilets...nothing else I can add here...

Stylish. For men and women.

After the most enlightened piss of my life we enter the museum and purchase a few prints of the artwork from inside the temple. This artist is freaking awesome. His name is Chalermchai Kositpipat and he is awesome. Just google his name for some pictures or follow the link. J

We photo, we piss, we purchase and we pile back into the jeep. Peter laughs at us when we ask about the monk meditating in the temple. He was fucking wax! Peter says he knows of some temples in Chiang Mai that have some wax monks in boxes that look even more realistic. Off to get some food.

As we begin to drive the rain pours down. It makes for some exciting travel. Peter takes us to the Rimkok Resort, Chiang Rai for lunch. He tells us they do a great buffet and it won’t make us sick like some of the food vendors in Chiang Sen. Awesome. Plus he is paying! THE...BUFFET..WAS...AWESOME!!! They had everything there. I went for weird fish and soups. Vicky did the Pad Thai and soup. I reckon the soup alone, no noodle or vegetables could be consumed all day. So tasty.

After filling up we head off. Peter asks if we would like to check out the Karen Long Neck village. Fuck yeah. I mean it sounds dodgy but you are only in Chiang Rai once right? Peter takes us down a dirty back road off the main highway. This looks like the kind of place you take Australians out to kill after a hard day driving...haha, and then we pull up to the village. There are three men sitting in a guard post charging 500bht per person to check out the village. What ever, pay the man and show us the locals!

Peter guides us down to a rickety bamboo bridge. I mean really fucking rickety! I know bamboo is strong but even I was a bit worried. I keep smiling and walk confidently so Vicky doesn’t feel so scared. It doesn’t work but she makes it anyway.

It swayed and crackled as we walked...

Peter explains to us that the Karen Long Neck came to Myanmar across the border from Burma a long time ago as refugees. The Thai government  at the time allowed them to stay with the hill tribes as long as they did not come into Chiang Rai or Chiang Mai...or any of the cities for that matter. And they had to be open to visitors and tourists to take photos like a freak show basically. And that is what it was like. You walk up, they have hand crafts for sale and Peter gestures for photos. “This what they here for. You take photo. Take photo”

It was weird but, the Karen didn't seem to worried about photos

Peter explained even further that the women never leave the village. They make scarves and bags and stuff and pose for photos. They make the money while the men collect admission fees and smoke opium. Lots of opium. That explains the glazed eyes when we paid the men at the guard post.

There are also other hill tribes living in the village. The Akha also live in the area. The woven scarves and bags are beautiful. They are allowed to enter the Thai cities and sell their wares unlike the Karen Long Necks, I guess because they are not immigrants or something.

The Hills....Myanmar style! It ain't easy being a hill tribe.

We leave for Chiang Saen, the Thailand tip of the golden triangle.

What a place! Peter drives us up to a viewing platform. You can see Burma and Laos and the mountains that hide China. This is The Golden Triangle. Peter gives a detailed history of the golden triangle and how it came about.

(For description see sign above...)

Here is the short version...

Three rivers meet in the middle, Mekong is the biggest and the one I remember. The triangle is between Burma, Laos and Thailand. Opium used to be legal in Thailand, you could go to an opium house and lay down to suck in a few fumes. Then the U.S. got involved, and the Thai administrators agreed to make opium illegal. Like any drug there are people who will want it so to avoid authorities Thai men would meet on long tail boats with dealers from Laos and Burma. They would meet where the rivers intersect. Thai men were/are clever and used counterfeit money to purchase their opium until the Burmese/Vietnamese discovered the funny money. After that you could only purchase opium with gold as it could be tested unlike money. There you go, The Golden Triangle in a nutshell.

Floating on a boat, with gold waiting for some opium...

 At the bottom of the viewing platform is an old, old temple. Wat Phra That Pu Khao. It was constructed in 1302 B.E. (or 759 A.D. for the jesus-lovers). This place has not been renovated since it was built. There is a huge staircase and beautiful mossy ruins at the top with a shrine to Buddha. We were the only tourists there. I am not a spiritual person but to take off your shoes, enter the pagoda and kneel before hundreds of years old place of worship was an eerie and overwhelming experience. I reckon I left the pagoda feeling more peaceful than when I had entered. Might need to opium...

Old stairs are still hard to climb...

Quiet and serene. How's the serenity, love?

Awesome protectors. No renovation, only cleaning...

Speaking of opium, they have an Opium Museum. Go to the website, and go there if you are in Chiang Sen...here is the link:  House of Opium. The place is insane. There is even a recipe/guide for manufacturing opium and morphine in there. Photo attached J (if you go with Peter he will get you entry at the “local price” (30bht p.p. versus 50bht p.p.).

For all your opium smoking needs...

DIY project? 

There is also a huge Buddha on a boat parked on the Thai side of the Mekong river. Very cool. We rub a big gong and wish for our families good health and fortune then clamber up to the top of two elephant statues. Lots of laughs watching Vicky trying to smile even though she was trembling with fear from the height.

This one time, on the Mekong, this giant Buddha washed up...

Yeah it felt like boob. That is why I'm smiling!

Yes. We are the King and Queen of Thailand...

 And so ends our day tour of the great North of Thailand. It takes the good part of 3 hours to double back. We pull over to buy a bag of fresh pineapple. It is skinned and cut into little segments. The pineapple is about the size of a regular apple. It is so fresh and crispy and sweet. I can’t believe for 20bht (0.60c AUD) we get a whole bag! Nomnomnomnom.

It tasted sooo much better than it looks here!

  Climbing and descending the mountains again is treacherous as the rain is heavy. We stop to police and a tow truck trying to move the Thai equivalent of a B-double that had jack-knifed on a hairpin corner. Thankfully no-one looked injured and the road allowed our jeep through.  We arrive at the hotel dry and undamaged. Vicky and I exchange details and baht with peter for another big day of touring Chaing Mai tomorrow. He gives us a pretty huge discount as we pay him direct and not through his tour operator. We agree to walk around the corner from our hotel to be picked up so no-one he knows at the Mecure will tell his boss what he is doing! So Australian J Chucking a sickie for a cash-job!

The last thing I do is make a withdrawal from the ATM next door. It is hilarious. After I receive the 4000bht and get my card and receipt the ATM plays a very happy and upbeat tune like a win on the pokies. I am so excited I almost put my card back in for another press!

Into the supermarket, I promise myself only to buy water and beer to change out the 1000bht notes. Then I see the snack food isle. Holy shit. They have potato chips that have two kinds of flavour chips in one bag! My favourite so far is Chilli Squid and Lime Sauce. Half the bag is Chilli Squid. The other half is Lime sauce/salsa flavoured. Take one of each and stuff in your mouth for a flavour explosion. The chilli deep fried seaweed is awesome with Chang beer by the way. Chang is awesome.

Two flavours in one bag is AWESOME!!!

Nighty night all, sorry this is like from 3 days ago. The internet was bullshit in Chiang Mai. No sooner had you sorted a connection had it dropped out. The blog posts should be thick and fast as I have a few days stored up. Keep checking!!

Shit this was long....

If you go to Chiang Mai and want a cheap English speaking guide who knows his shit hit up:

Pairat ‘Peter’ Vasuthapaisarn: pairatpeter_num@hotmail.com

Tell him Chris and Vicky said “sawasdee kha!”

I’m off - Chris