Tuk-Tuk = Fun Fun!

We rise to the sound of gaseous discharge, a small explosion between the cheeks, my stomach is producing methane at a rate cattle would be proud of. I guess the airline food overload has caught up to me. At least things are still solid...

Not really in the mood for breakfast we set off to wander the streets of Chiang Mai. The interesting parts within walking distance seem to be localised around a ruin-esque wall and moat that circles streets and walkways that go on for what looks like miles.  First job of the morning is to work out where we are going...hmmm....can’t see any signs in English...still don’t have a map...what does that guy in the tuk-tuk beeping at us want?

Screw it I thought. We came in from the left and Renaldo said the markets where somewhere along there so we go left. More beeping from tuk-tuk drivers. Now even the guys in little red buses are beeping at us. Oh, right, they want to take us places. We politely decline their generous offers to drive us around, I mean 60 baht is less than $2.00 for us and an hour of driving for that price is great but after all the sitting yesterday both of our legs are screaming for some excercise.

I normally get annoyed at being hassled by service providers, (I’ll never forget the Indian guys in Hong Kong that ask you every day if you want a suit and every day you still don’t want one), but the tuk-tuk and bus drivers are pretty cool. They beep, they smile, they ask and then drive away. No hassle.

The first thing I notice are the wires delivering power to all the shops, hotels and houses. Holy shit! There are wires everywhere, I mean friggin everywhere! I even had to side-step a stray wire hanging from a pole where the electrical tape that covered the exposed wire had come away. Eye level power cables, mmmm sizzle-licious! Also I snapped a picture of the locals attempt at green energy. It seems to involve covering regular electricity cables in vines...

Green power Thai style!

After dodging cables, stepping over sleeping dogs and trying not to slip on tiles at the front of some of the shops we make it to the bustling city centre. The large crumbling brick wall looks awesome, it’s over cast today due to a typhoon somewhere over Vietnam, (tropical storm Nock Ten), and there is a large and in some parts deep waterway kind of like a moat at the base of the wall.

Katam corner - katam means trap to catch animals

A lot of the water has small to medium fish swimming around, they look like archer fish but it’s pretty murky water.  Workers are placed around the pathway all the way along the wall cleaning up leaves and rubbish. Lots of smiles all around. 

The cloud cover is starting to lift and things are really warming up quickly. With all the walking and sweating it’s time for a drink. The closest place is a 7eleven. This was good as we still had a couple of 1000bt notes that needed cracking as most local drivers and market stall holders can’t change a 1000. Plus I love the asian version of 7eleven. They have the best stuff in there. Why get plain old Coke if you can get a beer instead from the same fridge! Anyway, cracking a 1000 baht note was still tricky as after purchasing 2L of water and a bag of dried salted peas I still only had a total of 45 baht for purchase. That’s like $1.40!! So I walk out with a fist full of 100’s and we bump into another tuk-tuk driver.

Fuck it we thought, let’s get this guys to drive us around and check out the temples that pop up out of nowhere around here. He was friendly and the English wasn’t too bad...until we tried to sort out the details of the ride...

Tuk-tuk: “I ride you around 1 hour all Chiang Mai here 50 baht, OK?”
Chris: “Yeah good, good. Can you show us the temples around Chiang mai?”

Tuk-Tuk: “Yes temple yes, yes. 1 hour, 50 baht”

Chris: “OK. Only local. Around here, Chiang Mai. Yes?”

Tuk-Tuk: (pulls out a laminated map of fuck knows where and points to Tiger World) “Here! Tiger, snake, photo. You see temple when drive.”

Chris: “....what? No. Only temples. Not tigers. Ok we will keep walking. Kob Koon Jao (thank you)”

Tuk-Tuk: “OK,OK,OKAAAY I take you and you 4 hours, all place in Chiang Mai plus tigers and all thing 200 baht” (he gestures at all random places on his map and smiles)

Chris: “Alright, sounds good. (thumbs up) Let’s just go where he said babe. 200, four hours, OK”

Tuk-Tuk: “No, no I can no do temple. Sorry, Sorry, kob koon jao.” (hops out of tuk-tuk and gestures from us to get out)

(all Thai phrases above spelled how they sound, not how they should be...)

Confused but thoroughly entertained we continue walking to boundary wall. As we start to reach the 3 hour mark Vicky begins to doubt I will find our way back to the hotel. Pfft. It’s a square wall that surrounds the inner city thing, we entered off a street somewhere on the outside of this square. So long as we keep walking around we will get back to where we started. Foolishly, Vicky lets me lead the way. I start to have flashbacks of Hong Kong when our little troop let Vicky pick the route up to the botanical gardens and we ended up walking a near vertical incline in 98% humidity. Part of me hopes we do get back to our hotel, the other wants me to be wrong and get her back for that mountaineering experience.

Miraculously we hit out street and it isn’t long before we reach the comfort of the hotel. Lazily we order up from room service, (still so freaking cheap!), Vicky wants the vegetable rolls with plum sauce. I go the Lab Moo, (Pork onion, chilli and lime juice) and Tom Yam, (spicy sour soup). And for laughs we order a pepperoni pizza...I wasn’t sure why that was on their menu...

When ordering I decide to have a go at pronouncing the stuff. Tom Yam, easy. Lab Moo, done. Poh Pla....well it looks easy but I couldn’t get it. The lady on the phone was giggling and made me give her the number on the menu.

Room service: “Oh! (giggles) Poh Pia! Yes, yes good. How you want tom yam and Lab moo? Spicy?”

Chris: “Yeah spicy please”

Room service: “Yeeeeassssss. Spicy. Ok spicy-spicy. (evil laugh and hangs up)”

Oh shit...

I am almost asleep when the food is delivered. It smells so good! I have attached some photos for the food porn crew out there, (that means you Darshna!), sure it’s room service but this shit was nice.

Spring rolls and Tom Yam

Lab Moo, rice n Pizza? lol

I take a mouthful of the Lab Moo. Minced pork, onions kidney and what looks like little yellow seeds. My mouth tries to detach from my head and leap from the window. Searing, flaming chilli heat! But it was so tasty I had another mouthful. Fuck! It’s still getting hotter! I switch to the Tom Yam. Oh so good...oh shit! It’s even spicier!! I manage to finish both dishes but drink almost all of our bottled water. It just tasted so good I couldn’t help it! Now I know how Steven and Jen must have felt when they ordered Kung Po in the states. I inspect the Tom Yam soup a little closer. Once I got through the sweet/sour/spicy broth I find tiny chillies all through the bastard!!

Tiny but effective! (like my cock...lol)

A brief rest recharges us to hit up the Sunday Walking Markets. The clouds are rolling in but look like they will hold out for a bit of a shopping spree. We hail a tuk-tuk. 60bt to get to our destination. Sold! This guy was awesome. He weaved the tuk-tuk into places you couldn’t walk between.  It was so fast! We were overtaking cars and mopeds like they were sitting still! Upon arrival we slap him 100bt because it was so fun. I think he enjoyed it as much as we did.

The markets are sprawled across a very large area. They aren’t walking, we have to walk it turns out. Clothes, carvings, paintings and the food! Smells so good. We get about 20 minutes of shopping around in before the rain buckets in. Monsoon style, with lighting and thunder. Up go the plastic sheets and masking tape and bulldog clips. If you think about how stall owners would react to a monsoonal downpour at the Chandler markets, (pissed off and inconvenienced), you would be surprised to see the Thai stall owners laughing and joking around while they try to protect their wares. It made it so much more fun to get drenched and barter for stuff.

We call it quits when Vicky’s bag is filling with water and hail another tuk tuk. This time the water is rising up over the roads, we are standing ankle deep in water and the driver knows whatever price he names, we will take. 100bht. Fucking champion!

Picture this. Bucketing rain. Water flowing on the road like rapids. Mad tuk-tuk driver with no windscreen wipers.

This was the most fun we have had so far on the trip. He didn’t slow for pedestrians, cars, torrents of water or speed humps. We laughed the whole way, even when the driver tried to drift the freakin tuk-tuk around a corner. He didn’t even really watch the road as much as he watched us giggle and squeal in the rear view mirror. Champion. He got a wet but sizeable tip.

Being that it was so wet we were a bit disappointed we don’t have any photos of the markets or our drivers. But risking the cameras at the start of a trip didn’t feel worth it. Tomorrow we hit up the golden triangle, Chaing Rai and some other shit that sounds awesome. A full 10 hour tour so I want my camera in good nick!

To make up for the lack of photos we had a bed jump session. I attempted bed-jump-planking but the reflex to protect your face is hard to overwhelm when roof high dropping horizontally. Here are the results! (plus a random cupboard owl for fun!)

Money money MONEY!!

Plank-bed-jump-FAIL! (looks cool though)

There is an evil owl in our cupboard and it is trying to kill us...

1:40 QLD time...still awake. Cool my body is adjusting to the time difference. It’s only 3 hours but it sure affected me more than I thought it would.

Chiang Rai and the Golden Triangle, here we come!

I’m off - Chris